The Coffee Shuffle

The coffee shop shuffle. What would millennial girls do without the coffee shop shuffle? It goes like this: They order their coffee. Like a slow, graceful waltz, they approach the wait while whipping out their phones. Most do it in four steps, some in three. The preferred phone is one of the "I" variety. Don't be fooled not seeing a phone here. Girls always have phones. If you don't see one and need a confirmation, just slightly pause in your conversation with her and in her confusion over the empty time, she will shamelessly whip it out right in front of you from the cutely-too-small back pocket of her "jeans". Of course, they really aren't jeans as we know them, but spandex paint. The cute pocket is also a poser-pocket. It's placed to allow the phone to highlight the gluteus by making it curvier than it really is. Anything for the curve. False advertising it is, but profitable. Societal economics relies on the curve. No pocket, no curve, no shuffle. No shuffle, no coffee shop spandex parades. No receipts. The chain of events spirals out of control. Shops close.Where will millennials work with no coffee shops? Unemployment would rise. They would be forced to seek real jobs. The need for real skills would soar. Universities go under since they offer little in the ways of them. The generation goes totally on assistance. National debt soars. The Obama national credit rating downgrades continue to DDD. Government panic surveillance soars, even though they lie about it, looking to find pockets to revitalize the economy. Bring back the poser-pockets. To them, it makes sense. Just ask Nancy Pelosi. She completely understands. Economic collapse is inevitable.

The moral of the story? Be careful, whatever the pockets cover up or whatever the government covers up at some point will end up in the toilet.


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